Kyos random weapon
by Yellowtriangles
Summary: A/N CRACK-ish CRACK
1. The random weapon

Hello, this is triangles and this my first fan fiction!

Its about a random day at the Sohma household (A.K.A Shigures house) ,when weird things and conversations happen, including Kyo trying to kill his relatives with a slightly odd object (all of those which just had a dodgy thought, including myself, SHAME ON YOU!)

I do not own these characters, no matter how much I cry.

Note: I have a obsession with triangles.

Anyway, the story begins…

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ritsu had come over to visit his relatives, he was unusually calm today. He and Shigure were sitting down and drinking tea. When Kyo entered the room, he stared at Ritsu evilly with his cat eyes, and suddenly remembered about the very random gift that Ritsu had given to him for Christmas.

He said to Ritsu, in a annoyed and confused voice, "Why the hell did you give me a picture of a triangle for my Christmas present?"

" Kyo…Kyo-kun I-I'm. KYO-KUN! I'M AWFULLY SORRY BUT I THOUGHT THAT YOU WOULD OF LIKED IT! MAYBE YOU WOULD OF LIKED A SQUARE INSTEAD! I WILL APOLAGISE TO YOU! I WILL APOLAGISE TO THE WHOLE WORLD FOR MY UNTHOUGHTFULLNESS!" cried Ritsu.

Kyo had easily destroyed the calmness that Ritsu had managed to gain, but in repayment a noisy and energetic scene had been awakened.

Kyo yelled," WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!" he was starting to get irritated

Shigure saw this irritation, and like a drama queen he just couldn't resist, he had to say something to get Kyo reallyannoyed. Shigure took a sip of his tea, stood up, skipped girlishly over to Kyo and said, "Oh my Kyo-kun, hadn't you realised that Ritsu-san is a cross-dressing, suicidal monkey?"

The reaction was very predictable, "SHUT UP YOU PERVERTED SICKO!"

Shigure replied, "At least I'm not as perverted as you Kyo-kun. I know what you think about during the night, you think about Tohru in a fish costume." Shigure was trying to fight back his laughter, it seemed like the teasing had began.

Kyo looked very shocked and flustered, "I DO NOT!"

"I think you do"

"BUT I DON'T! YOU'RE THE ONE THAT THINKS THINGS LIKE THAT! YOU STALK SCHOOL KIDS AND IMAGINE BLOKES WEARING NOTHING BUT BOXER SHORTS!"

" Kyo-kun stop giving me ideas."

Ritsu felt like he should try stopping the weird argument, and softy said to them, "I-I'm sorry if I am interrupting your conversation ,but…"

" DO YOU MIND? I'M HAVING A ARRGUEMENT HERE!" Kyo was edging to maximum fury.

"I-I'M SORRY ITS ALL MY FAULT! IT WAS ALL BECAUSE OF ME THAT THIS ARRGUEMENT STARTED! I'M SO SORRY!" Ritsu cried once again.

"THAT IS IT! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANY MORE!" (Kyo is at maximum fury, this should be fun! I love it when Kyo goes mental!)

Kyo searched around for something to hit Ritsu with, he saw a knife and picked it up, then saw Ritsu, who had a mega frightened face, but then Kyo thought "no its too sharp it would kill that he she thing instantly. I need to find something to cause a slow and painful death. Mwahhahaha!"

When Kyo put down the knife Ritsu looked very relieved, Shigure was non-surprisingly on the phone to tell Ayame what had been going on, which made Ritsu alone in room with a maniac. Kyo had finally found the perfect murder weapon, he picked it up with honour, and held it up in the air with pride, it was quite a emotional time for Kyo, he had found something very unique and special… a pair of… SUNGLASSES!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That's the end of chapter one, hoped you liked it and the randomness.

Please review its my first fan fiction as I told you earlier, so I would like to know what you thought.

Bye- bye for now, my dog that I have nicknamed Hatsuharu-shi is calling me, I must run off now doing a weird Shigure dance.


	2. Shigures dance

Hello guys, triangles is back, yes, you've guessed it it's the second chappie!

I'm so glad that I got some reviews for the first chappie, it made me so so happy that I even did one of my Shigure dances.

Sorry the second chappie took so long, sob sob, my mind went blank for nearly a month, I think I did too many Shigure dances that it actually damaged my brain.

Note: if you are wondering what the Shigure dances are you find out in this chappie.

Anyway, the story continues…

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

With sunglasses in hand , Kyo-Kun looked at Ritsu-San psychopathically, and started to slowly walk closer and closer towards Ritsu. Kyo was about a metre away from Ritsu when he raised the sunglasses in the air like a dagger if you were to stab someone.

Kyo evilly said the words that he had been wanting to say for a while, " Time to kill the monkey! MWAHAHA!"

It was as if Kyo had rabies (can cats have rabies? I seriously don't know)

Ritsu screamed, "AAHHHH! I'M SO SO SORRY! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! I KNOW I DESERVE TO DIE BUT THE THERAPY THAT HOTORI IS GIVING ME IS WORKING! Well that's a lie, anyway…I'M SO SORRY! I WILL GIVE YOU A TRIANGLE TO SHOW THAT I AM TRULY SOORRYYY!"

" I don't want your stupid triangles! I want to kill YOU!"

"SHIGURE-SAN! PLEASE! HELP ME! I THINK KYO-KUN NEEDS SOME THERAPY!"

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU EVEN MORE FOR SAYING THAT!"

"That makes no sense, how can he kill me more than killing me?", that's what Ritsu thought at that moment.

Then suddenly, horrible images popped up inside his cross-dressing obsessed mind, which made him scream with all his heart, "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! KYO-KUN I'M SO SO SORRY! SO SORRY! I'M SORRYYY!"

Meanwhile Shigure was still talking to Ayame on the phone in a non-chaotic room.

"Aaya, you made a pair of hotpants especially for Yuki-Kun?"

" Yes I did, I made them with all love that I have for my dear brother, they are shiny, golden and tight, just like the trousers Kureno wears!"

" I love the details you are giving me, but the problem is, how are we going to get him into them? Well lets talk about that later, I hear Ritsu-San calling for my help, super Shigure must go to the rescue!"

"Bye bye super Gure-San!"

"Bye bye Aaya!"

Shigure ended his weird and perverted phone call with Ayame, and skipped joyfully to the room where the attentive murder scene was still in process.

"AAAHHHH!"

"STAND STILL YOU DARN BRAT I'M TRYING TO KILL YOU!"

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Ritsu was running away from Kyo at super speed, while screaming very girlishly for help, and Shigure noticed what Kyo was using for a weapon, and gasped in shock, "Oh my Kyo-kun! How dare you use my beloved sunglasses that my darling Akito-San gave me for my birthday, as a weapon! I will stop this dreadful sight with my super doper Shigure dance!"

Shigure stood on one leg and constantly did a weird little Mexican wave with his hands.

"What the hell are you doing, you perverted freak!", Kyo had stopped chasing Ritsu, to question Shigure, Kyo was very confused and disturbed at what he was witnessing.

"YAY! I managed to hypnotise you with my super doper Shigure dance, normally I need to hold a apple while doing it, for it to work. Apples have magical powers!", Shigure was overjoyed that his super doper dance was actually working, well… that's what he thought was happening.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OMG! I ended that chapter badly and nothing much happened.

Did I manage to make Ritsu wonderfully over dramatic? I was thinking of typing about 20 pages of Ritsu constantly screaming, but I horribly came back to the real world.

Hoping I get more reviews and people wanting to know what happens next. I really want to know what people think of the super doper Shigure dance.

Hopefully the next chappie won't take as long as this one, bye bye, I have to run away because a giant doughnut is trying to run me over.


	3. jaffa cakenessss tis teh end! omg

Okays I wrote this ages and ages ago so umm yeah I wanted to put this up and have It finished so I can restart doing other stuff.

Note: this makes no sense. its not suppost to.

So the randomness continues…

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay Kyo actually **was **hypnotised. Kyo was stood frozen in the middle of the room with a possessed weird look on his face, while saying random things then giggling.

Ritsu was hidden the corner of the room hugging his legs, terrified and confused.

"Hhmmm…? In-tres-ting … it worked! Yays!!" Shigure was now having a laughing fit on the floor from being so very glad.

" Bananas are yummy hehehe !!" Kyo giggled .

Shigure still laughing on the floor…, "HAHAHAHEHEHE!!!!"

Ritsu still confused and worried…," um…I think I'll should go home now…"

"Santa, I wanna pony for christmas!!!!."

"HAHAHA!!"

"um… you're scaring me … BOTH OF YOU!!!!! Sorry … I'm being s-so … JAFFA CAKEY!! I THINK I'LL GO JUMP OFF A JAFFA CAKE FACTORY NOW, IF ITS OK WITH YOU!…darn I'm sssssooo obsessed with jaffa cakes I'M SSSOOO SSOOOORRYYY!!!!!!AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" With that being said Ritsu ran out of the house screaming.

Suddenly Momiji jumped in through the window, " MOMIJI IS HERE!!! YAY! I'm talking to myself … **AGAIN**!! YAY!!"

"Hehehehe… oohh carm down Shigure oooooohh , we have a visitor…" Shigure adjusted his 'laughing mode' into, 'Oh hello' mode, " Oh hello Momiji."

"Where's Tohru ?"

"oh Tohru?… She went to Heaven , didn't you know she died yesterday? So did Yuki, … Kyo found out that the both of them were having a love affair so he killed them."

"W-what?! NNNNOOOOO TOHRU!!! WWAAAAAHHH!!!!"

"_Come_ _here Momiji-chan… Shigure will look after you.."_

" NUUUU Shigure you're secretly a pedo bear!!!!!!!!" with that said Momiji ran away crying with Shigure chasing after him into the sunset..

Ritsu jumped of a jaffa cake building.

And Kyo was frozen there for eternity…….. The end

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ehh yeah the end……. Kay time to start other stuff more sensibly. Sorry! I am really sorry!


End file.
